Has your computer ever crashed and caused you to cry? Computers usually aren’t the creator of our crisis; it’s us that brings confusion and chaos when we don’t know what to do and keep digging deeper into technology trauma. Recently, my computer died with me sitting in front of it, touching the keys that formed words unfolding a story on my screen, and I mourned my loss out loud. I was alone at Tim’s Gift as fear gripped my gut. How could this happen when I got to work hours before the doors opened in order to finish a story? I begged my computer to come back to life. It didn’t. I felt helpless. ‘Why won’t you work right? Why did I put off saving my ‘stuff’ to a thumbdrive where I wouldn’t have to worry; why didn’t I listen to my heart’s tug to save daily, even when I was rushed and compromised to do it tomorrow?’
My day became a time for God’s message to settle in my heart, giving me an attitude of gratitude, teaching me lessons and telling me to pass them on to you. It’s funny how God orchestrates events in our lives, how burdens become blessings, how bad things are turned to good …when we ‘wait on the Lord, be of good courage’… and Believe!
I believe all things happen for a reason, hard as that is to digest when in the middle of disgusting days, tough trials, and heartbreaking happenings. Losing my computer was painful, but the real problem was losing the treasures stored inside. The computer could be replaced, the contents couldn’t.
God was reteaching lessons I had learned as a little girl playing school on our side porch. My mother taught ‘Don’t Put Off ‘Till Tomorrow What You Should Do Today 101’ every day. I remember her using any opportunity to tell me the importance of doing my work first,playing later and not putting off doing things. I sat at my desk staring at my computer replaying a memory of long ago in my mind. Mama hung out clothes while I wrote on my little chalkboard. She smiled in the morning sunshine as she clipped clothes to the line. I can see her face. Today, I understand her smile. She heard me teaching my little doll baby students the same lessons she was planting in my life, lessons that never leave us even when those who taught them do. I smiled and accepted this refresher lesson on the perils of procrastination.
My heart ached as I waited for a local PC expert to diagnose my problem. Other computers were in line awaiting attention; selfishly, I wanted mine taken care of right then. I waited, went back to Tim’s Gift, and wailed while sitting at my desk, thinking of the hundreds of hours spent writing and saving stories that would be shared with you throughout this year. Writing ahead of deadlines is part of my work ethic, my desire to get my work done and have time to play. Taking time to save my work to a source other than my hard drive seemed less important, something I could do the next day, or the next. Then, the day came when it was lost, leaving me to wonder if it would be found; my crying continued. Finally, Cameron came out of his office, held his mother and let me cry. Then, he wiped my tears and told me it would be okay. He reminded me what J.A. would say…’it’s just a thing’!
My faith mounted up like eagle’s wings. I cleaned my face and wiped the worry from my heart. I drove to Hargrove to pick up our students, talking to Jesus all the way there. This test is tough, yet I will stand firm and trust you Lord. I know that writing can be replaced Father, but how can I remember all the messages you sent, the joy of seeing stories safely stored in folders on my PC desktop. I am sorry I wasn’t more careful with the treasures in my care; please don’t let my writings be gone.
The children filed in the van and buckled up, asking why I’d been crying. Another lesson is we don’t fool our kids. I told them the story of my computer dying and my awful day. My little Zoie smiled with such innocence and assured me Jesus would take care of it. Our ride back to The Learning Station lifted my spirits. The children shared stories about school. They listened as I encouraged them to clean out their hearts of the little stuff that can grow inside and cause heartaches. Mine needed cleaning the most. Rhylee prayed. I watched from the rear view mirror. With their little heads bowed and a sweet prayer penetrating their hearts, you could feel the presence of the Lord in our van.
I pulled into my parking place, told the kids how much I loved them, and headed inside to help get homework done. My prayer wasn’t nearly as selfish as it surely sounded to God a few hours earlier. I still wanted to know my work would be saved, but now it was completely in His hands. And oh how good is our God! Next week, I‘ll share the rest of the story.