Well, I am certain families are preparing and planning for their Thanksgiving meal. Turkey and ham will be served in many homes along with pumpkin pie and pecan pie! The delicious side dishes such as pineapple casserole, string bean casserole, potato salad and candied yams. Families will gather in homes and visit with moms, dads, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins. The air will be filled with laughter, conversations and the aroma of all those good things to eat! It will be a great time for many, it will be a precious time and it will be a time to remember. But maybe not such a great time or precious time for those living with Alzheimer’s disease.
When a person is living with Alzheimer’s disease it may be confusing to them with all the noise. It will be hard for them to hear and understand where conversations are coming from. It will be very frustrating to them. Families need to understand this…..many times families mean well, but they do not understand the effect this may or may not have on their loved one. Remember as this disease progresses the person living with Alzheimer’s will only hear three out of four words. Remember as this disease progresses their visual field starts closing in, they will have trouble comprehending, it will be out of their normal routine, they may not remember loved ones names, they may be confused and ask to go home. But you as the caregiver will want them to stay, because you will think this is good for them. You think it will be good for them to see all the family. They will see different faces they possibly will not remember, they will hear different names they possibly will not remember and they may possibly forget where the bathroom is located. To be a little clearer, just imagine yourself in a large room, with lots of people, some look familiar but mostly unfamiliar. Everybody is talking, but the sounds are just words, the words have no meaning and sometimes it sounds like a foreign language. You need to use the bathroom but you do not know where it located, you try to find someone that you know but you just cannot find that one person. You feel very uncomfortable, you feel scared and you feel alone! You begin to cry, people are asking you what’s wrong are you ok? But your words will not come to you, you know what you want to say but the words will not come to you. You become addled, unable to think clearly and confused. You will ask to go or say “please take me home”. When you put yourself in the place of your loved one living with any condition of dementia you begin to understand how they feel. Try to see the other side, try to see their side.
This does not sound like a pleasant experience, most would agree with me. It is really hard for those living with Alzheimer’s disease. It will be the same person you have always known but now they are different. You must remember they may lash out to you or dislike what you are trying to do, it is the disease not the person that lashes out. Do not take it personal. It is hard on the person and it is hard on the caregiver. The description I gave above would be a person later in the disease. You may be caring for a person early on in the disease. You may find they can handle all the noise and the family. But, they may forget to turned down the burner and overcook the potatoes — they will blame it on someone else, but not them, they did not do it! You will notice changes in personality, the person early on in the disease may become territorial, repeat themselves and they can cover mistakes in social interaction.
Being mindful of these things are vital in your caregiving role. Informing family is imperative, as you will want a good experience and memory for all. Enjoy your day as family gathers and loved ones sit at the table. With prayer you begin your meal and delight in a beautiful memory of another “Thanksgiving” shared with those we love. Hope you have a “Best Day Ever!”