I am being patriotically anti-social. It’s easier for some of us who didn’t win the most popular kid in kindergarten trophy. What to do? I’ve never been very good at solitaire. I thought about trying to write a novel, No Place to Dock, about a virus outbreak on Noah’s Ark. Maybe some physical exercise, pacing the floor, twiddling my thumbs, flipping channels. I inventoried the rolls of toilet tissue, thought about different ways to microwave dinner. I’ve already called most of my friends who had nothing to say; they’re mostly locked up — er, down.
I saw a roamin’ robot on the sidewalk in front of my cell; aren’t they supposed to be in quarantine? Who chose this planet earth anyway? Aren’t there some other planets out there that don’t have all these invisible date disruptors and politicians that glow orange in the dark? The often reliable news media told us that this bug mainly goes after woozy old folks who are slow and easy to catch. But now they’re reporting that it is a disgustingly democratic disease willing to use anyone for a host regardless of qualifications.
Precautions are urged. We are advised to not touch our face, so I keep my head in the sand. It could be worse. So, how to greet someone? Handshakes, hugs, and kissing are out of fashion. The military has first dibs on salutes. How about the butt bump? While facing in opposite directions, it should be nearly virus proof.
And there is the matter of triage. If the patient is breathing, and has an occasional pulse, send him home; he’ll recover on his own. If he has neither breath nor pulse, the patient is a candidate for intensive care. If a patient is breathless, has neither pulse nor brain waves — two weeks in a Trump hotel.
If you stubbornly refuse to chuckle at this nonsense, it is highly recommended that you ask the nearest doctor for an emergency supply of laughing gas.
There is a silver lining. In my neighborhood, people are out in the fresh air, walking and bicycling on the residential streets.
Jack Stevenson is retired. He served two years in Vietnam as an infantry officer, retired from military service and worked three years as a U.S. Civil Service employee. He also worked in Egypt as an employee of the former Radio Corporation of America (RCA). Currently, he reads history, follows issues important to Americans and writes commentary for community newspapers.